I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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