DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
