She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
