who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
