Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
