She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
