The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
