We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
