I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
