Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
