Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
