I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
