yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
