Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
