i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
