So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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