hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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