his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
