I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Someone came in the potted fern
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
