The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
