I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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