this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
