woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
