My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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