Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
