I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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