we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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