Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
