I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
