I accidentally had phone sex last night
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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