just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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