Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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