did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
