One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
