It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We need a shit load of segways right now
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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