You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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