Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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