just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Randomize
