they need to just BURY HIM!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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