A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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