He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
