Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
