You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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