i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
