Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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