I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
