margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
