My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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