I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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