you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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