Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
