We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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