My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
