I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
