"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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