Four minutes until I can fart!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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