I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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