i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
