she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
